The 10-Step Plan

17 Dec

Whine: So very, very behind on every item on The List.

Cheese: Got a handmade ornament that  Big Sis made at her awesome preschool–an ornament with her handprint on it. Totally made me cry. In fact, just typing it is making me verklempt.


Anyway, I don’t like to toot my own horn. (Who am I kidding? I totally do.) But I have to confess to you that I have very nearly perfected the art of procrastination. Since it’s Christmas and all, I figure there are some of you out there who may be new to the procrastination game, so I thought I’d share the 10 Steps of Procrastination. Consider it an early Christmas gift.


1 ) Optimistically overestimate your time, talent and ability to complete a project.

2 ) Put it to the back burner (figuratively) while you deal with urgent tasks on the other burners (literally)–try not to burn the house down.

3 ) Realize that you may eventually have to complete the tasks/projects you committed yourself to.

4 ) Get overwhelmed and pretend you don’t actually have to do any of them.

5 ) Avoid, avoid, avoid. (This can be achieved a number of ways. I prefer reading the blogs of strangers and playing word games on my Social Gaming Network. Twirl is totally the new Solitaire.)

6) When you have less than 24 hours (or 12 if you’re good) to the project deadline, give up on all other tasks including, but not limited to cooking, cleaning, sleeping and personal hygeine so as to focus 109% (you gotta save 1% for blogging/facebook) on the project at hand.

7 ) Cry.

8 ) Figure out that you will have to cut at least 50% of your tasks.

9 ) Make a mad dash to the finish line. Throw some stuff together (onto a blank page, into a gift bag or into a suitcase) and tell yourself it’ll be fine.

10 ) Crash. Swear never, ever to be so foolish again. Until tomorrow.


Speaking of procrastination, I’ve got 130 unmailed Christmas cards, 6 loaves of unbaked banana bread, piles of unwrapped gifts, and lots of unfinished shopping to do. So what am I doing? I’m curling my hair with a curling iron and photographing myself. (Clearly I’m on Step 5.)

Don’t ask me what possessed me to do this*:

Awesome Hair

Clearly I had forgotten about this**:


Well, it’s almost 5pm, my kids will be up any minute, and I’m due to head to Step 6 & 7. Gotta run! Merry Christmas.


*First of all, is my forehead really that big? And yes, I’m wearing a lumberjack-inspired bathrobe. It’s a hand-me-down from my mother.

**Dude, why didn’t Mr. Dad ask me out way back then when he had the chance? I was smokin’ hot.

8 Responses to “The 10-Step Plan”

  1. Heather December 17, 2008 at 6:35 pm #

    Who knew we had so much in common!?! Every time I read your blog I feel like it’s my life just played out in Texas with more girls in the house. Thanks for posting. I inwardly clap my hands and jump up and down when I see a new “Whine and Cheese” (I never do this outwardly, of course, much too sophisticated!). Excuse me while I go dance around the living room with Nathan. Our song is playing on the “Baby Neptune” video.

  2. Alyssa December 17, 2008 at 9:01 pm #

    You totally should have put on the pearls while you had your hair all curled. Love the high school picture! (I’m actually jealous because your bangs are way shorter height-wise than mine were back then!)

  3. Sars December 17, 2008 at 9:50 pm #

    Alyssa-don’t be jealous, the only reason mine weren’t bigger was because I couldn’t get them any higher. If I’d have known you back then I totally would have had bangs envy.

  4. Laura December 18, 2008 at 7:37 am #

    I like the pursed lips.
    You look like a Mattox.

  5. cdub December 19, 2008 at 6:51 am #

    Oh my gosh, thank you for the early-morning laugh.

    In the spirit of this particular Whine/Cheese, I would like to suggest an Eleventh Step, which stands in slight opposition to the First, but can come in handy for holiday procrastination:

    11) Sound busier than you truly are and chalk it up to the “chaos of the holidays.” I find that this lowers peoples expectations of you to complete any task in a timely fashion and is practically a free pass into January.

  6. seeca December 22, 2008 at 11:14 am #

    i have a solution for you. scrap all of your ideas and give out framed photos – of yourself with curled hair.

  7. rachelle January 2, 2009 at 10:04 pm #

    oh please can i have a copy of that picture (the new one)- that would make me so happy.
    ps- i need more whine and cheese!


  1. Man of the House: Guest Post by Brother Bear « A Little Whine and Cheese - October 25, 2010

    […] the week before I was born? Also, here is last year’s BLOGIVERSARY post. And one about procrastination (since it’s Monday and all) and ear infections (since it is sicky sick […]

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