Have You Ever?

9 Jan

Whine: I must confess, I’ve been avoiding my little blog. I have so many things whirlilng around in my mind, Funny! Amusing! Alarming! things. And I guess I decided that if I couldn’t write them all, I wouldn’t write anything. Not to mention that our house has been  Grand Central Station for every virus in the world for the last few weeks, so I’ve been up to my ears in well, you don’t want to know. But I’m here now, and I must say that I’ve missed you all.

Cheese: Just sitting on the couch, listening to the tumble tumble of the dryer, watching basketball and savoring my Christmas candy (Hot Tamales) and Diet Coke.


Today we’re going to play a little game I like to call “Have You Ever?” mainly because I’m trying to give you a snapshot of what you’ve been missing, but also because I’m hoping someone else out there has done at least one of these things so that I don’t feel like such a weirdo.


Have you ever. . .

. . . had to sort your shoes into two piles: barfed-on and not-barfed-on? Why did she run into my closet and then vomit??


. . . put yourself in the “line of fire” so to speak, so that your baby didn’t vomit all over your carpet? What?!? I had just gotten it cleaned.


. . . tucked your child in bed wearing the clothes they’ve been wearing all day, then gotten them up the next day and left them in the same clothes? Yeah, I’m that kind of mom. The lazy efficient kind.


. . . discovered that since you’re going to have to discipline your little one, you’d better stop cracking up first?  Sometimes even their naughtiest moments are adorable. Especially if they happen to be clad in their red footie pajamas at the time of the offense. Everything is cuter in red footie pajamas. Except cockroaches. Even footie pajamas can’t make a cockroach cute.


. . . eaten just one Hot Tamale? Me neither.

15 Responses to “Have You Ever?”

  1. Becka McLoud Bielawa January 10, 2009 at 6:36 am #

    This is funny. I am sorry you have been getting puked on. I remember once actually putting my hand out to catch Oliver’s spew and then thinking, after the fact, “Why did I do that?”.
    And I totally feel you on the cracking up first thing. My daughter makes me laugh every time I send her to time out.

  2. Rosie Galindo-Haught January 10, 2009 at 3:29 pm #

    Well, ladies I am here to tell you it does not change when you become a grandmother! I pulled my t-shirt out in front of me for my grandson to vomit into rather than the Target floor….so now what do I do with this? Yea, not a good idea.

  3. Sars January 11, 2009 at 4:43 pm #

    Yeah, I guess it never really gets better. . . but at least they keep us laughing, right?

  4. Melanie January 13, 2009 at 12:58 pm #

    i just happened upon this and it made me laugh.
    i have definitely done the last 3… ok, well, maybe not eaten just one hot tamale, but the other 2 for sure.

  5. michelle January 13, 2009 at 9:20 pm #

    4 out of the 5. Owen has never puked in my closet. On my face in the middle of the night was the worst. He just rolled over and suddenly I was covered in warm sticky yuck.

  6. Elizabeth Van Scoyoc January 13, 2009 at 10:24 pm #

    Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And it’s not even my child- though there are diapers involved. Trust me it’s MUCH better to have vomit than some of the other options. It’s wierd that some of the most repulsive things we ever do actually are some of the most important. Usually in such cercumstances i start humming to my self a little sonf about being the hands and feet of Jesus.. i can teach you on Friday. Trust me it is very helpful. love cousin-aunt Elizabeth

  7. rachelle January 14, 2009 at 10:37 am #

    oh how have i lived without my whine and cheese these past few weeks. oh please don’t make me wait so long again. i will have to go to blog rehab.

  8. Sars January 15, 2009 at 3:40 pm #

    Melanie-thanks for stopping by. Please feel free to add your own Have You Ever?

    Michelle- EWWWWWWWW!! I take vomit-shoes over vomit-face any day.

    TLL-I like your thought. I often only get as far as singing desperately, “Jesus, Take the Wheel.” But perhaps I can get farther with the hands and feet song. Can’t wait to see you!

    Chelle-I hear blog rehab is the happening place to be. All the big celebs are doing it. . .

  9. mitsi January 16, 2009 at 10:20 am #

    Um, I just thought you might like to know that Jeffrey Dees (who incidentally has pneumonia, but is doing much better) puked on Reggie Dees this week. They had to take Reg to the groomer, because no matter how much Jenny wiped him down, he smelled even worse (vomit and wet dog instead of simply the former).

  10. Melanie January 18, 2009 at 2:41 pm #

    alright, here’s one.
    Have You Ever….
    …had your chest (and/or neck) mistaken for a kleenex? i know she’s only 6 months old, but this blowing her nose on my chest business has GOT to stop!
    …made your child sleep on towels because you knew more vomit was coming and you didn’t want to dirty perfectly good, clean sheets?

  11. Megan January 22, 2009 at 1:34 pm #

    Your whine and cheese is hysterical. I found your blog through Jeanne’s blogtour list. I’m with Michelle. 4/5, thankfully I have never had anyone throw up in the closet. I wonder why they never thought of that one 😉
    Have you ever…
    discovered at the end of the day that your potty training toddler has been changing her outer garments when she has an accident but not her under garments 😉
    thanks for the laughs.

  12. Sars January 22, 2009 at 4:34 pm #

    Mits-Reason # 214 that I don’t have a dog–just one more thing for my kids to puke/pee on.

    Mel-I swear I should just sew some kleenex onto my shoulders for all the snot that gets smeared on there.

    Megan-My toddler has never done that, but I’ll keep on the lookout for it now!

  13. Louanne January 23, 2009 at 2:12 am #

    Oh, Sara, you have me laughing out loud right now! It’s late and Joel is fixing our other computer, so I had some time to kill. He keeps looking at me like I’m crazy over here tearing up and shaking with laughter. Yes, I’ve been barfed all over, but we’ve managed to keep it out of shoes, off the cats, etc. So far, that is! Thanks for the great late-night laugh!

  14. Wee January 23, 2009 at 11:37 am #

    Have you ever…
    …had your kids sleep on towels…laid OVER the vomit or pee area
    …delayed completion of potty training till over 3 yrs old…just to make car trips easier!
    …put up a ‘new’ bedside lamp that needs a new shade and later while you had the curling iron on…remembered to notice if your 4-year-old was heading for the curling iron but didn’t think once about the lamp you *saw* her playing with?? (she got a great white blister on her thumb but nothing hospital-worthy, thanks only to God!)


  1. She Works Hard for the Money « A Little Whine and Cheese - November 23, 2009

    […] was buying stuff stopped on a particularly cute pair of footie pajamas (you know how I feel about footie pajamas) and said as I choked back a cry, “Why don’t you hang onto this one?” I nodded […]

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