Dear Whine and Cheese

27 Apr

Whine: Lil’ Sis (now almost 15 months) is still terrified of walking. She is not, however, terrified of climbing perilously on top of the piano. Go figure.

Cheese: On the way home from happy hour (the Sonic kind, of course) I had the audacity to take a different route. Big Sis heartily objected. I righted our course and she told me exactly how to get home. Although I have a terrible sense of direction, I’m pretty sure from this point on I will never need a GPS.  

 

Here at A Little Whine and Cheese, our mission is to provide information to enhance your life. We are happy to share our hard-earned expertise  (i.e., personal experience from possibly just the last week or so) with you by answering your questions.

 

Dear Whine and Cheese,

Does a car seat lose its effectiveness if it is not, in fact, actually buckled into the car?

Sincerely,

Oops

 

Dear Oops,

Of course not. That is, obviously, assuming that your car is so full of junk and baby paraphenelia that said car seat is wedged tightly in between the diaper bag and the baby stroller and the bag of recycled plastic bags you’ve been meaning to return to the grocery store. Highway crash tests reveal that the more stuff you can cram into your backseat, the safer your baby*. Unless of course you are talking about machetes and live grenades. In that case, you should definitely buckle the seat in.

Sincerely,

Whine and Cheese

 

 

Dear Whine and Cheese,

Am I a complete imbecile if I cannot sew in a straight line?

Sincerely,

Feeling Destructive

 

Dear Feeling Destructive,

No. Sewing machines were designed by men way back in the 1700s for the single purpose of making women belive that they had lost their ever-loving minds. The invention still holds remarkable power for creating insanity in women, but said power can be easily broken by realizing that you can purchase whatever it is you were trying to make for half the price at Old Navy.

Sincerely,

Whine and Cheese

 

 

Dear Whine and Cheese,

My one-year-old says the same word for both “Grandma” and “Cookie.” Should I be concerned?

Sincerely,

Somewhat Suspicious

 

Dear SS,

Your suspicions are warranted. I suggest installing a “Granny Cam” into your child’s diaper bag so that you can surveil what is actually happening while he/she is staying with Grandma. Most likely you will see a very clear correlation between “Grandma” and “cookies.” I will say, however, that your video evidence  and/or a stern talking to will have very little punitive effect on Grandma, as we all know that their DNA is made of processed sugar and zero desire to say no. On the bright side, she might feel bad enough to give you some cookies, too.

Sincerely,

Whine and Cheese 

 

 

Dear Whine and Cheese,

I would really like to get a new cell phone, but there is nothing wrong with my old one. Can I really justify getting a new phone?

Sincerely,

Kinda Bored

 

Dear Kinda Bored,

Your dilemma is a familiar one, as phone technology constantly changes and improves, keeping up with the Joneses (or Macs, if you know what I mean) becomes increasinly difficult. Here is my recommendation:  Run into the local bagel shop for a quick breakfast, toting one or more of your kids. On the way out  “accidentally” drop your phone in the parking lot and drive away. When you return to innocently retrieve your “missing” phone, you will find it mangled and unusable. Your husband will then authorize a trip to the phone store, and you will have your pick of the newest phones. Problem solved.

Sincerely,

Whine and Cheese

 

 

Thank you for joining us today for our Dear Whine and Cheese column. Feel free to leave more of your questions in the comments section for future columns.

 

 

*That is patently untrue. Duh.

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5 Responses to “Dear Whine and Cheese”

  1. mitsi April 27, 2009 at 4:36 pm #

    I wholeheartedly agree that grandmothers are made of sugar and agreeable-ness toward their grandbabies.

    This post was hi-larious and made me smile big. Kudos.

    (sewing straight lines is completely over-rated, anyhow)

  2. rachelle April 29, 2009 at 3:52 pm #

    1. i have conducted numerous clinical test proving that car seats do not have to be buckled in, as long as the car seat itself is buckled.

    2. straight lines are not necessary in sewing due to matching ie hard to see threads.

    3. e thought bread was papa for a while- not a joke.

    4. I KNew IT!

  3. Andrew April 30, 2009 at 7:40 am #

    Very funny.

    All sewing machines are evil… but Rachelle’s is particularly evil… have you ever tried to string that stupid bobber on that machine?

    … that was ONE Eeevil man!

  4. wee April 30, 2009 at 10:12 am #

    Dear Whine and Cheese,
    How many times will I have to say “Turn off your light whenever you leave your room” and “No Stuffing!! [clothes in various corners and crevices when ‘cleaning’ your room]” before my child will do this on their own?
    Sincerely,
    Looking For An Old Fashioned Tape Recorder Preferably Upgraded With A Motion Sensor

  5. Sarah April 30, 2009 at 6:52 pm #

    Absolutely HILARIOUS!!!!

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