Episodes in Freaking Out: Swine Flu Edition

30 Apr

Whine: Stupid, freaky, weird swine flu. Why’d you have to come to Fort Worth?

Cheese: Big Sis is really into ‘exercising’ these days. This consists of putting her hands and feet on the ground and sticking her bottom as far in the air as she can. Let me just tell you, this is hilarious. Is that what I look like when I exercise? Nevermind. Do not answer that.

 

Swine flu. Until yesterday, my thoughts on the dreaded virus amounted to nothing more than a puncline. Then Fort Worth cancelled school-for at least ten days-and my freakout began. When I found out, my kids were with Grandma (aka Grandma Cookie) for the evening. At that moment, all I wanted were my kids with me so I could hold them, make sure they were ok, and then possibly disinfect them from head to toe, maybe not in that order.

I have since regained the capability of rational thought (due in part to seeing that both my babies are very healthy), but the “outbreak” got me thinking about all the random and weird things I fear. And since you all serve as my personal confessors, I will share a few with you today:

 

1) I am afraid that one day I will run over my mailman. Or anyone else. But especially my mailman, as he has a walking route and could very easily slip right behind my car, escaping my notice, which is easy to do when your backseat is filled with children who think they are birds. Very loud birds.

 

2) I am afraid of missing out on anything. Some of my friends make fun of me because anytime we are discussing television or movies, I know about every show that comes up (and possibly every one that has ever existed from 1986 to now.) I tend to keep up with pop culture and gossip for that very reason. I am also usually the last one to leave an event and the last one to go to sleep at a slumber party, even if this means that I stay up until 1 or 2 or 3 am, and then get violently ill the next day from sleep-deprivation. (Although last time I did this, my sweet hubby let me sleep in and brought me donuts and a latte. He’s such a cute little enabler.)

 

3)I am afraid of parallel parking. This is actually a rational fear because I am terrible at parking.

 

4)I am afraid of being bored. Truly afraid. The idea of being bored feels to me like a giant elephant is sitting on my chest and squeezing the air out of me. So I don’t stay in one place very long, which leaves for lots of great “ideas” and quite a few unfinished projects. But now when I’m bored, I just think of things I could be blogging about.

 

5)I am afraid of hair. Not the hair on my head or yours, but the loose hairs that gather up in corners with the dustbunnies or in the shower drain. Touching those random globs of hair makes me gag and I generally refuse to do it. Lucky for me, I don’t have much hair and don’t shed all that much, cause if I did, I might just shave my head.

 

What are you afraid of?

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6 Responses to “Episodes in Freaking Out: Swine Flu Edition”

  1. Melanie April 30, 2009 at 8:45 pm #

    geese! they are evil! they have serrated beaks and they HISS! seriously, what’s to like about the things? plus, i’m pretty sure at one point in time, you could blame a goose for avian flu. (hey maybe i’m incorrect about the last thing but it sounds legit enough for me.) and they’ll chase you- they’re just plain evil.

  2. kj April 30, 2009 at 8:47 pm #

    I am afraid that I will give the swine flu to my unsuspecting preschoolers via the stretch and grow equipment that I keep in the trunk of my car… or that I will contract swine flu from these same children. I’m not generally a germaphobe at all, but this is my job and I will not let someone die (including me) because I made them practice bicep curls with a germ-infested ball in their hand.
    Also divorce, spiders laying eggs on me/in my bed and waking up with baby spiders crawling everywhere, and I also fear the road rage that rises up within me when I try to drive on Bryant Irvin on a Saturday… no telling what I will do.

  3. wee May 1, 2009 at 12:15 pm #

    HA HA HA HA! (or in other words LOL, but it was more hilarious to me than just three little letters) I loVe picturing your very loud birds! PLeAsE get a video of Big Sis exercising just in case she does not do it quite the same by the time I get to see her!!

  4. Marina May 2, 2009 at 1:12 pm #

    I’m terrified of terra cotta. How you feel about touching globs of hair is how I feel about looking at a potted plant. *shudder*

    Could you put a sign on a stick at the base of your driveway, like “CAUTION: I cannot see you when I’m backing up my car”? Or never leave the house during the period of time the mailman is expected? 🙂

    As for parallel parking, you should practice that. There might be a time you really need to do it, and you’ll be thankful you did. There are a bunch of YouTube videos that break it down pretty well: http://tinyurl.com/parallelpark

  5. rachelle May 2, 2009 at 1:18 pm #

    i really want to clean out my brush (after one use) and bring the remains to you.

  6. Sars May 4, 2009 at 2:11 pm #

    Mel-I forgot about geese. Yes, add those to my list. Especially the ones at the park that are used to getting fed and like to rush toward you, honking all the way.

    KJ-I’d never thought of the mid-night-egg-laying-spider fear, pretty freaky.

    Wee-I will try and get some video, but we’ll see you in less than a month. (Also, Big Sis is back on her Keegan kick full force now that she knows we’ll see him soon.)

    Marina-I MUST get a sign like that. Hee hee. Also, terra cotta seems like an odd fear. Perhaps if you looked back to your childhood you would find an unfortunate incident involving potted plants.

    Rachelle-that’s just mean!! If you do that, be sure to know that I will return the favor in the form of a monkey/clown appearance.

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