That’s What You Get

23 Oct

Whine: You would think that a 3-inch elastic waistband and a growing belly would be enough to keep my pants up. You would be wrong.

Cheese: When you’re wearing strechy pants, every meal is all-you-can-eat.

 

I’ve been working with Big Sis lately on idea of choices. You know, things like “If you choose to put your stingray in the bathtub, then you can’t choose to take it with you in the car because it will be soaking we.” (True story) Or, “If you choose to whack your sister on the head (again), then you will spend the next twenty years (give or take) in time out.” (Again, true story.) You get the idea.

Unfortunately, the world of choices and consequences and decisions is not limited to the under-five set. Nope. We all get to play by the same rules. You would think, however, that years of making choices and reaping the benefits/consequences would give us the upper hand in decision making. But one glance at YouTube or daytime TV or in the mirror, for heaven’s sakes, tells you that even grown ups make some baaaaadddd decisions.

I’ve made some doozies myself. Like the time (this morning) I ate a Nutty Bar (oh, how I love you, Little Debbie) and a Diet Coke for breakfast. Or the time I was locked out of my house late at night and decided to crawl in the window and subsequently got stuck. One leg in, one leg out, four feet off the ground. While baby Big Sis sat in the car. I hear you asking, “Did your mother not teach you ANY common sense?” Of course she did, that’s why I used my cell phone to call her to come get me out of the window. She (wisely) sent my stepdad, who was very understanding and non-judgemental about the whole thing.

But seriously, I often hear my poor mother’s voice in my head when I reach the end of a particularly foolish path saying “That’s what you get.” I’m not sure my mother actually ever said that to me out loud, but I sure gave her plenty of chances to do so.

Recently, my track record has been stellar. I thought I’d share a few of my recent “That’s what you get” episodes for your enjoyment.

 

That’s What You Get. . .

. . . for starting a blog.

       I started my blog one year ago tomorrow. Happy Blogaversary to me! My little spot on the WWW has brought lots of unintended results. Guilt being one of them. I wish I blogged more. It’s definitely not for lack of source material. I like telling y’all the stories that keep my life interesting. And I like keeping track of all the ways in which my family has put me on the advanced track to aging. But life in a house full of crazy people sometimes limits my free time, and I’m learning to be ok with that. Especially because often, if I were to blog, my children would be giving me “source material” at a rate that I couldn’t handle. (As if I can handle the rate they’re at now.)

       But I’ve also made new friends and kept up with some old ones. I’ve heard your stories, too, which I love. And I’ve gotten to know that my foibles, accidents and fabulous life choices amuse the rest of you. Which pretty much makes it worth it. So if that’s what I get for starting a blog, I’m glad I did.  And as a special Blogaversary present to you, I’ve already written a post for Monday, so check back then for more riveting action!

 

. . . for buying a fancy-schmancy printer.

      My very old, very cheap printer had been on the fritz for months. So I finally broke down, found my coupons and headed to Office Depot. Mr. Office Depot expertly assisted me in my selection, down to the other things I would need to make the printer actually work that I wouldn’t have thought of until I had already spent fifteen hours yelling at and kicking my new printer.

      I decided to reward my very sedentary nature and purchase a printer that prints wirelessly so that I would not be so inconvenienced as to have to take my laptop into the other room and hook up a USB cord in order to print. But just as I was bragging (yes, bragging) to my sister about my labor-saving ways, I realized the da*&%$ thing was no longer printing. (And this after an hour on the phone with HP to go through the religious rites of set  up.) So I called HP again, and Carlos was, in fact, very knowledgeable and helpful, but it still took him an hour of remotely controlling my laptop from another continent (VERY CREEPY) to fix the problem.

       So, in total, I’ve printed ten pages and scanned two pictures with my new printer, all from the comfort of my couch. But I also spent approximately seventeen hours in setting up and repairing the darned thing. That’s what you get. Worth it? Totally. Cause now I can sit on my couch and scan pictures of my babies. (see below) 

 

. . . for trying to make dinner.

        I’ve barely cooked a meal in the last four months. So when I gingerly approach my kitchen to cook something other than frozen pizza/french fries/chicken nuggets, I expect wild applause (from Mr. Dad) and complete cooperation (from the children.) Yesterday I started dinner well before 8pm, and it included actual vegetables and potatoes not previously frozen. But as I’m chopping and stirring and seasoning, I am interrupted by a confusing scene. Lil’ Sis has lost that reddish glow to her hair; it looks a little darker. Upon closer inspection, I discover that someone else in the house has been doing some seasoning of her own. Wait for it. . . wait for it. . . uh-huh:  Big Sis has liberally applied a large coat of pepper to the top of Lil’ Sis’ head and shoulders. Apparently she decided the “salt and pepper look” was more fitting than “carrot top” for her sister.

 

. . . for insisting on knowing the gender of your unborn baby.

      Last week we went to the doctor for a sonogram. The Sonogram. The one lots of my friends go to and cover their eyes so they can be “surprised” when the baby is born. Weirdos. I go to that sonogram with only two questions on my agenda: “Does everything look ok?” and “What private parts does this baby have?” Sue me, I’m a planner.

      So the sonogram is going ok, except that Baby Lahdee (as Big Sis has named him/her) will not be still. But somehow our expert sonographer manages to get the requisite pictures. Good, round head? Check. Long, bony spine? Check. Big, ravenous looking stomach? Check.

       So then it’s time to get to the good part(s). Except that on the way to those parts, she pauses on my right ovary and says hmmm, apparently you have cyst there, which is no big deal, except that it explains the occasional stabbing pain in your right side. Good to know, I say, now GET ON WITH IT. Except at this point, Baby Lahdee is simultaneously cruching his/her legs together AND swimming in circles with all his/her might. How this is possible, I do not know, although it makes me eager to meet this child.  

       Eventually she determines that Baby’s bottom is right next to my ovary/cyst and the only possible way to determine the gender is for her to repeatedly punch, jiggle and jab me in that very tender area with the sonogram thiny-magiggy. Here’s where my true dedication kicks in though, and I decide to take one for the team. Breathlessly I tell her to keep going till she gets some nudie shots of this baby. And she does.

       After we left the doctor, them walking, me stumbling in pain, we headed to Target to pick out a gift for the baby. I must have looked a little funny clutching my stomach and limping, but I didn’t care. I had just gotten to see my healthy–and very active–son.

 

Isn't HE cute??

Isn't HE cute??

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16 Responses to “That’s What You Get”

  1. Lindsay Stewart October 23, 2009 at 4:33 pm #

    SOOO excited for Brody to have a boy to play with!!!!

  2. Kim Bowers October 23, 2009 at 5:34 pm #

    Sarah,

    Congratulations to you and the family on the pending arrival of your new Son. I am sure that Mr. Dad will be happy to have some male hormones around your household, Chris is still holding out hope for our household. I guess your little guy is working on his get away skills in advance for running from Big Sis and Lil Sis. I love your blog and your insightful stories. You always had a way of making laugh and smile. So Sarah Barah let your pants stretch away.

    Love and prayers,
    Kim, Chris and Madison

  3. jennifer witteveen klemens October 23, 2009 at 5:50 pm #

    Congratulations, dear friend!!!!! I am certain, no doubt, that Mr. Dad is now strutting around, perfecting the tone to “That’s MY boy!”. Best wishes and tons of (long distance and decades old) hugs. May the good Lord continue to smile upon you all…. and give you (well, us, the reader) many more blogs….

    much MUCH love
    jen

  4. rachelle October 23, 2009 at 6:52 pm #

    yay lahdee- we still get to call him that right?

  5. Trish October 23, 2009 at 8:08 pm #

    woo hoo!!!

  6. Alyssa October 23, 2009 at 8:48 pm #

    Yippee!!

  7. G & G October 25, 2009 at 8:23 am #

    How exciting! Life will never be the same for any one–or all four–of you. God’s blessings on you all.

  8. Tricia October 25, 2009 at 1:36 pm #

    Congratulations, Sarah! I saw your FB update with the blog link and followed it here. You must be so excited! Boys are a lot of fun 😉 BTW, you are a great writer and I really enjoyed reading your post…you’re still cracking me up!

  9. Tricia October 25, 2009 at 1:37 pm #

    Oh, and I’m not sure if it linked to our blog, but feel free to check it out anytime (www.thewelchblog.wordpress.com) Congrats, again! Can’t wait to see pictures of the newest addition to your family!

  10. Karen October 25, 2009 at 2:46 pm #

    He is SO cute! And I mean that in the most manly kind of way. Happy blogoversary! glad you got your printer fixed…

  11. wee October 26, 2009 at 11:10 am #

    way to take one for the team (u rock)! (I) sure wanted to know (i mean, you having pain & a limp was worth it to me too, and I feel very honored, and very sorry for you)!!
    what a cute pic! cute and active, sounds like a TX sports boy to me ‘ya’ll’! perhaps he will wait till after birth to grow as big as keegan did, but after that hopefully they will be the same size and play together all the time!
    ditto on the Happy Blogoversary – awesome stories – I love every one and am always willing to wait! p.s. that sounds like a really great breakfast to me…and i too think the printer setup is worth it…and cooking is always deserving of wild applause!

  12. Wendy October 27, 2009 at 7:39 am #

    Congratulations! Baby boys are an awful lot of fun. Glad to see you blogging again!

  13. Louanne October 27, 2009 at 3:54 pm #

    Congratulations, Sarah! Good call on taking one for the team… 🙂 I’d have bought pregnancy tests that showed a pink or blue plus sign if it was possible. Welcome to the world of boys. They are loud, busy, active, hilarious, and they looooooove their mommies! They are also very good for their big sisters. You’re gonna love it!
    I love your blog posts – they never fail to make me smile!
    🙂 Louanne

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