Some People Never Learn

18 Jan

Whine: I’m totally getting sucked in to 24, even though I know I don’t have the emotional stamina to make it through 24 episodes of world-on-the-brink-of-disaster tension.  I’ll have to quit around Hour 10 and read about the rest online. But I may stick around to see more of my favorite bad guy, David Anders. (Mr. Sark sure makes the rounds, doesn’t he?)

Cheese: We rented Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs this weekend and had spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. Big Sis thought it was the best day of her life, a dinner of her favorite food followed by a movie about her favorite food?? She doesn’t have to know it was a complete coincidence. 

On Saturday my Facebook status read, “I am very thankful for neurotic people who ask for (and get) steam cleaners for Christmas, then happily lend them to you when potty training goes terribly, terribly wrong.”

Knowing that not everyone is as amused by potty humor as I am, I was planning on leaving it at that.  But then my awesome readers, who obviously share my love of scatological humor, or perhaps just really love hearing stories of my misery, clamored for more details. So if you don’t think poop is funny, you should probably stop reading now.

I hate to state this on the record, (because if I have learned anything, it’s that as soon as you write something on your blog, you are sure to jinx it) but I am potty training Lil’ Sis. Actually I should say, she is potty training herself.  After spending the last two years of my life sitting next to the toilet waiting for something, anything to happen, I was not about to start that again with another stubborn kid (they get that from their father’s side, of course.) But when Lil’ Sis started asking to use the potty and then actually using it for things other than washcloths and cell phones, I figured I wouldn’t stand in her way. Besides, anything shorter than two years will be a bonus.

So the other day, Lil’ Sis told me that she had to go. Then she went. And there was much rejoicing. And candy. A few minutes later, she told me she had to go again, so I put her back on the potty and waited. Since this whole potty training thing was her idea, I wasn’t about to force her to sit there for long, so when she wandered off, I let her go. Besides, I was trying to put on my makeup. Even Mommies like to look halfway decent sometimes.

Then the phone rang. I answered it, chatting and putting on the last of my mascara. I don’t remember much of the conversation, but I distinctly remember saying, “I guess I should see what Lil’ Sis is doing, since she’s running around the house commando. But it’s probably not a big deal since she just went potty on the potty chair.”

5. . . 4. . . 3. . . 2. . . 1. . .

Lil’ Sis walked in and made a beeline to the potty, stark naked except for her brown shoes. Wait a second, I think, I didn’t put shoes on her. The horrific realization began dawning and I sputtered into the phone, “OhmygoshIgottagothere’spoooooop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” and hung up.

Using my heightened Mommy-senses, I followed the trail of disgusting little footprints (why couldn’t she have used breadcrumbs like Hansel and Gretel?) to the source. It was an ugly scene. I hosed off the kid, secured the perimeter (i.e., put a diaper on that bottom), rolled up my sleeves and got to the cleaning up. But at least I had my makeup on.

And do you want to know the worst part ? That whole scene was déjà vu. I lived through the same horror two years ago, down to the ironic “I wonder what Sophie’s up to running around the house naked” phone conversation. When am I going to learn to put some pants on these kids?

 Some people never learn.

 And apparently I am one of those people.

Yes, that is a Pull Up on her head. That explains a lot, doesn't it?

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5 Responses to “Some People Never Learn”

  1. peopleofstarbucks January 19, 2010 at 8:24 am #

    “Scatological humor” – brilliant.

  2. wee January 19, 2010 at 11:38 am #

    i am personally SO glad that is over…
    so you may want to start a small journal of things you want to remember to do to your kids when you are old, and when you are old and incontinent, just to drive them nuts also… ! of course they will /probably/ have their own children by then and you will just get to happily watch their own children driving them nuts without needing to put in any effort yourself. 🙂

  3. rachelle January 19, 2010 at 8:28 pm #

    i love you- i don’t know what else to say. oh, i need to steam clean my cat.

  4. nikki January 21, 2010 at 1:54 pm #

    brown shoes….oh my…this is so funny! i can’t imagine- and i am trying not to picture it too clearly- for fear that i will throw up on my laptop!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Some People Never Learn, Part II « A Little Whine and Cheese - January 27, 2010

    […] by the fact that I have on more than one occasion let my children run amok with bare bottoms and then had to clean up the consequences. Here are a few more things I wish I had learned the first time instead of the second, third or […]

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