The Evil Twin

10 Feb

Whine: I’m mourning the loss of Big Sis’ afternoon nap. For one because she’s not used to it and whines from afternoon until bedtime. And now during what used to be Mommy Time (read: sit on the couch and recover from the morning), I am the Chief Entertainer and Supplier of Really Fun Stuff. I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

Cheese: At least she falls asleep well before midnight now. I guess it really was time to drop that nap.

Some mornings I wake up and I just know. That if I know what’s good for me, I will not pass go, I will not collect $200. I will put my sweatpants back on, turn on cartoons, throw some cheerios at the children, then hastily go lock myself in my room before they eat me alive.

But I don’t. Even though I see the evil glint in their eyes when they wake up. The same adorably precious little angels I tucked in last night have somehow transformed from my sweet little Honey Bunnies into the Trolls that Live Under the Bridge – albeit very cute trolls, but ones with a nasty bite to match their bark.

I’m speaking, of course, about the phenomenon of the Evil Twin.

There are mornings when I know that one, or heaven forbid, both of my darlings have been replaced by their cranky, horrible counterparts. How do I know? Oh, I just follow the clues.

Generally every word out of my mouth (horribly offensive things like “Good Morning, Sweetie.” and “How was your sleep?”) incites a firestorm of shrieks and cries. Oatmeal for breakfast is the Worst! Thing! that has ever happened in the history of the world. And the sky is the wrong color and clearly it’s all my fault.

On days like this, getting anywhere is next to impossible. Every request for compliance is met with the stamping of feet too tiny and cute to be capable of such rebellion. And the task of getting out the door and into the car (let alone with coat and shoes on) requires a certified mediator and a two-pound bag of M&Ms (one pound for my sanity, one pound for bribing).

Dealing with an Evil Twin requires lots of patience, compassion and a hidden stockpile of goodies that they can’t see or reach.

Recently I went to pick up Big Sis from preschool. In an uncharacteristic response to my usual “How was her day?” the teacher paused and looked directly into my eyes, which was definitely not a good sign. And just as she was midway through explaining that my darling dear had had the worst day at school that she has ever had, I yelp in pain. Lil’ Sis, who I was holding on my hip, had inexplicably just taken that moment to bite me. That little twerp bit me. Out of the blue with no provocation. I took both Evil Twins, now crying from being reprimanded, set them firmly on their behinds in the hallway, and went back to the teacher to hear the rest of the grisly bad-day details.

Well, come to find out the next day after a trip to our trusty pediatrician, I had nasty double ear infections to thank for the appearance of my Evil Twins.

Sometimes there are ear infections or a bad night’s sleep to blame. And on those days it’s at least a little bit easier to have some compassion or to give an extra hug even though they fight it tooth and nail. But other times there is no discernable cause for the emergence of an Evil Twin, and I have to grit my teeth and pray, oh how I pray, that God will keep me from eating my own young.

But I have to admit that as much as I dread the Evil Twin days, I have them myself. Days when I wake up knowing that if someone so much as lets the fizz out of my morning Diet Coke I’m going to yell, then cry, then do everything in my power to keep it together for another twenty minutes or until someone brings me a new Diet Coke.

So on days like this, I’m glad to have Mr. Dad, my kids and my friends to give me some compassion and extra hug even though I usually fight it tooth and nail. Although most of the time, I don’t have a good reason.  I mean, I haven’t had an ear infection in like, twenty-five years.

She looks harmless enough, but don't stick your finger in the cage. She bites.


8 Responses to “The Evil Twin”

  1. Wendy February 10, 2010 at 10:28 am #

    I hate the out of the blue, no warning bites the worst. Hate.

    Miles has those moments too, where I just look at him and think “who are you? where did you come from, small whining child?”. Good to know it is just the evil twin.

  2. Jeanne Canavan February 10, 2010 at 11:06 am #

    I live daily with my evil twin. Sigh. Last night at a dinner party she made an appearance in front of my friends. Something about the beef being too rare. Embarrassing. Well, if only they knew it wasn’t really me!

  3. Sars February 10, 2010 at 12:44 pm #

    Wendy, yes, the Evil Twin phenomemon explains a lot in parenting.

    And Jeanne, I find it hard to believe that you have ever had an Evil Twin. But on the rare occasions yours visits, feel free to place the blame exactly where it is due.

  4. michelle February 11, 2010 at 7:53 am #

    that is some ridiculous cuteness in pink.
    and an afternoon nap is something serious to mourn!
    Owen now has afternoon cartoon time while I have a Sunday afternoon nap. He is so happy to have the couch, tv and remote to himself that he stays put until the rest of us wake up….unless of course it is his evil twin instead….and then there are legos all over the floor and burnt toast in the toaster (he likes to make toast….just not eat it).

  5. Sars February 11, 2010 at 8:09 am #

    He likes to make toast?? That’s hysterical. I’m glad Sophie hasn’t figured out the toaster oven, she’d be all over that one.

  6. LJ February 11, 2010 at 10:11 am #

    One time I thought an evil alien entered my kids body for a week. After much yelling, disciplining, and tears I took him to the doc. The kid had no fever, no runny nose, no loss of appetite or anything. The exam showed he had a double ear infection. After a day of meds he was back to his mostly sweet self. I totally understand where you’re coming from! I was SO happy the evil twin left! Thanks for sharing.

  7. Clelia Munuz February 8, 2011 at 10:34 pm #

    Youre so cool! I dont suppose Ive read something like this before. So good to search out any person with some original thoughts on this subject. realy thank you for beginning this up. this website is something that’s wanted on the web, somebody with a little originality. useful job for bringing one thing new to the web!


  1. Man of the House: Guest Post by Brother Bear « A Little Whine and Cheese - October 25, 2010

    […] BLOGIVERSARY post. And one about procrastination (since it’s Monday and all) and ear infections (since it is sicky sick […]

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