Categorically Funny

23 Feb

Whine: I need to stop watching cake shows. Watching normal-looking people turn moist, fluffy cakes into the Eiffel Tower has made me delusional. The other day I seriously considered (at Mr. Dad’s behest) attempting a Great Wall of China made from cake. So you can imagine my utter confusion today when I attempted to make some simple sugar flowers and they turned into a runny, goopy paste instead of delicate cherry blossoms.

Cheese: I did what anybody would have done in my situation. I stopped piping the frosting onto the flower form and squeezed it directly into my mouth. Obviously.

My life is funny almost all the time. Problem is, I don’t always see it like that. At least not right away.  That’s because situations come in all different types and degrees of funny, and are accompanied by varying degrees of pain and humiliation. I figured that a Humor Classification System might assist me in arriving at that “someday we’ll look back on this and laugh” point sooner rather than later in some of these situations.

My preliminary findings have issued at least five categories of funny:

Funny Haha (FHH)

The classic funny. Something humorous that happens yet causes to no physical or emotional harm to the subject(s) and/or innocent bystanders. This form of humor is rare in this house.

Example: I was crouching down attempting to pull up Big Sis’ tights after a successful trip to the potty. But I couldn’t manage it, as she was very proud of herself and kept taking bow after bow, sticking her bottom in my face and saying “Thank you, thank you very much.”

Funny Painfully Awkward (FPA)

Humor that arises out of a situation that exposes (either literally or figuratively) the subject. Laughter here is almost always a survival tactic.

Example: Did you know that the restrooms at Chipotle have an echo? My kids recently discovered this, much to their amusement. (Same restroom from aforementioned bowing incident.) They began testing out the sound-bouncing properties of various yelps and hollers. The woman standing outside the door made no effort to stifle her giggles as we exited. I flashed her a smile that said “I have clearly given up on controlling these two wild animals” and hurried out of the building, avoiding the eyes of the other patrons who had surely heard our physics demonstration.

Funny Boo Hoo (FBH)

The laughter that comes as a means to avoiding tears. Or laughter that intermittently accompanies tears, as the subject realizes that there is no actual reason for crying.

Example: This morning (a long, exhausting one that started way too early) I spilled some bright red cranberry juice onto our beige carpet and promptly burst into tears. Real, uncontainable tears. After Mr. Dad and I cleaned it up, I could barely chew my soggy granola through my sniffs and hiccuped sobs. I knew it would be funny eventually, but it sure wasn’t at that moment. Especially when Mr. Dad helpfully commented, “You know what they say about crying over spilled cranberry juice.” If only my eyeballs had laser-beams.

Funny I am Going to Kill You As Soon As I Stop Laughing (FGTKY…)

Usually begins as a futile attempt to suppress laughter and look angry in the face of equal measures of adorability and mischief. Often requires a camera. And a time out. Very, very common in houses with children under six years of age. Generally the type of humor found on this blog.

Example: When I went to free Lil’ Sis from her prison crib this morning, I was greeted with smiles and happy chatter by the most cheerful and sweet little creature. And she was stark naked. I noticed that she had unzipped and taken off her footie pajamas then casually removed her diaper and tossed her aside. I should have given her a stern talking to because although the bed was dry today, the odds of that happening every time are VERY slim. But it’s hard to keep a straight face when your baby is grinning at you, naked as a jaybird and proud.

Although children are the most common culprits of this type of humor, spouses are a close second. Especially if you happened to marry someone who finds humor in pushing your buttons.

Example: I had the great idea to take have Mr. Dad take some pictures the other day at the park. Just Mommy and the girls walking hand-in-hand down the path. Unfortunately, I have not seen myself from the rear in a loooonnngg time or I would not have suggested this. Mr. Dad found the angle particularly amusing, and made sure to snap a few shots zoomed in on the parts of me that would have fared better in some maternity Spanx. (This may or may not be related to squeezing large quantities of frosting into my mouth.) Good thing for him I was in a good mood or that could have easily been a FBH.

Funny Way Past My Bedtime (FWPMB)

Generally anything perceived as funny after 11pm or on fewer than six hours of sleep.

Examples here are not worth noting, as they generally make no sense whatsoever.

Funny That’s Just Wrong (FTJW)

A cousin of the FGTKY, FTJW finds humor in situations that elicit guilt from the giggler. Laughing at another person’s FPA or FBH qualifies as a FTJW. As does laughing at pretty much anything on a reality show. It is best not to admit the FTJW humor of a situation in certain company, especially if that company happens to be crying over spilled cranberry juice.

Example: This intolerable act of moral depravity should make me shake my head in wonder at the disintegration of American society. Instead, it made me giggle.

Shame on you, inconsiderate vandals, shame.

In case you can’t read the poorly-spelled and barely-legible defacement of public property, it says Don’t STOP Believing. The mental image of a 40+ year old vandal tagging this sign (the song came out in 1981) made me giggle. But I was informed that the song is a hit with the youth of today, thanks to the folks on Glee. Oh well, it’s still clever. Although, for the record, I remain outraged at the perpetrator’s lack of respect for our public safety. Ahem.

Did I leave out any categories?

11 Responses to “Categorically Funny”

  1. rachelle February 23, 2010 at 8:34 am #

    i am sooo ready for my bag of cake scraps. ps the cake i dreamed up for you is in the shape of a rocking horse!

  2. mitsi February 23, 2010 at 11:55 am #

    What’s not funny about that sign is that way they spelled “Beliveing.”

    I recently saw a similar stop sign onto which someone had applied a sticker which read, “Collaborate and Listen.” Still makes me chuckle.

  3. Karen February 23, 2010 at 1:21 pm #

    I love your categories! FGTKY from our house: Daphne’s best friend (who moved away last summer) came to visit the other day, and I noticed the bathroom door closed with voices coming out. Uh-oh. So, I said, “Girls, what are you doing?” “we’re going potty!” “You know potty is just one at a time.” (Whatever…when it’s just us girls, we don’t bother to close doors even, but with people from other families, we try to be civilized.) So I opened the door and saw them both sitting on the potty at the same time, pants down, trying to tinkle. Of course, they didn’t quite fit. But it was just so funny! So I chastised them. Then I told them not to move so I could go get the camera! Moments like that need to be memorialized right? I call it “Because Best Friends do Everything Together” and I laugh every time I look at it.

  4. LJ February 23, 2010 at 2:52 pm #

    You forgot the category FWMYLWRTB (you know, Friends Who Make You Laugh While Reading Their Blog)!

  5. Sars February 23, 2010 at 2:59 pm #

    Rachelle, cool your jets already, I’m going as fast as I can.

    Mitsi, you are correct about that. That misspelling doesn’t even make sense.

    Karen, you need to start your own blog!! That is hysterical.

    LJ, nicely played. I like it! Thanks for your help today.

  6. kjlangford February 23, 2010 at 3:45 pm #

    Ah the lyric stop sign. My favorite. One in my old neighborhood said:

    nowSTOP… hammer time!

  7. Johanna I. February 23, 2010 at 11:51 pm #

    You’re funny.

  8. spaghettipie February 25, 2010 at 10:38 am #

    Did you really just use the phrase “the youth of today”? That constitutes FOCITWGO or Funny, oh crap I think we’re getting old.

  9. Karen February 25, 2010 at 1:20 pm #

    Thanks Sar, but I’m just glad to know somebody else runs to get the camera too!

  10. Aunt Sarah Abs March 2, 2010 at 12:01 pm #

    I dont know what is more funny Dad taking those pictures of you, although you must be a saint to be able to laugh too, or your girls screaming in the bathroom at Chipotle to hear their voices echo. Just wondering- was it the one on Bryant Irvin that opens right in front of the dining area and the cash register or the one on Hulen that is conveniently in the back. Either way its hilarious but I always hated that one on Bryant Irvin that doesnt offer much privacy anyway.


  1. The Sisterhood of Wearing No Pants « A Little Whine and Cheese - February 26, 2010

    […] Well, I am The Man. With difficulty, I suppressed my grin and swatted that bare little bottom. (FGTKY […]

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