Guest Post: Jingles by Mitsi

22 Mar

Whine: I figured as the first guest blogger during Sarah’s “maternity leave” that there’d already be a baby around that I could talk about. I should’ve known better.

Cheese: He’ll be here within the week!  Yay Sarah!

My name is Mitsi and I’ve been friends with Sarah for 8 or 9 years now.  In that time, she’s made several people and has commissioned my “talents” [if they can really be called that] as an amateur jingle writer to make up songs about having babies for her entertainment.  Yes, really. 

Now, I don’t believe I have a skill on par with the “Stanley Steemer” people, it’s more of a Weird-Al-take-perfectly-lovely-songs-and-manipulate-them-for-the-amusement-of-self-and-others gig that I’ve got going here.  However, on more than one occasion, I’ve answered the phone to have Sarah or my good friend Jenny request that I croon out one of these beauties, often on speakerphone, and frequently to people who are complete strangers to me (including OB/GYNs and random assorted others).

So here for your reading pleasure, is a list of the current tracks on the Pregnancy, Childbirth, Postpartum, and Trying to Conceive collection (the album needs a catchier title, I know).  I don’t know how these will translate without musical backup, so you may have to use your imagination.

Track 1: Mammaries

Original Song it Completely Desecrates: Barbara Streisand’s The Way We Were.

Notes: I came up with this in 8th grade. I was an odd child.


Track 2: Bertha the Birthin’ Uterus

Original Song it Completely Desecrates: Entirely original tune and lyrics.

Notes: Comissioned by Sarah in honor of the birth of Big Sis.


Track 3: Epidural

Original Song it Completely Desecrates: The Eagle’s Desperado

Notes: The jewel in the crown. Also penned for Big Sis.


Track 4: Circumcision

Original Song it Completely Desecrates: Foreigner’s Double Vision

Notes: Written for the birth of my best friend’s son.


Track 5: Onward Luteinizing Hormone

Original Song it Completely Desecrates: Onward Christian Soldiers

Notes: For anyone who’s ever peed on an ovulation predictor.


Track 6: The Signs of Early Pregnancy

Original Song it Completely Desecrates: Simon & Garfunkel’s The Sound of Silence

Notes: The most recent addition. A tribute to my own heartburn.


In honor of the impending arrival of Little Brother, here’s the full-on version of “Epidural”


You help to deaden my senses.
When my uterus tenses,
You’re there for me.
I may be contracting,
But with your help I’ll get through it.
I know I can do it
When you’re in my spine.


Master Mitsi (she insists we call her that  until she’s Dr. Mitsi) is a Ph D student who writes jingles and names other people’s babies in her spare time. Currently a dog mom to two little rascals (Murphy and Stanley), she hopes to increase her brood with some human offspring in the near future and put her Baby Compilation CD to good use.

9 Responses to “Guest Post: Jingles by Mitsi”

  1. Kelly Schwanbeck March 22, 2010 at 11:48 am #


  2. Carrie March 22, 2010 at 1:14 pm #

    Ok, I’m singing Circumcision (a la Double Vision) IN my head while simultaneously laughing OFF my head. Nicely done, MJPW.

  3. Jen Adams McGuire March 22, 2010 at 3:00 pm #

    Too funny. I can see you writing these, you’ve always been creative….and now you can call yourself “Singer/Songwriter” ala Kara DioGuardi….and I mean that in the nicest possible way. Breast of luck to your friend getting ready for baby’s arrival.

  4. Katherine Long Hoak March 22, 2010 at 8:00 pm #

    The talent flows freely! Fabulous as always. My favs from previous Master M collections include “Liquor on an Airplane” and “Proud to be a Prostitute” (!). 🙂

  5. rachelle March 22, 2010 at 8:16 pm #

    man where can i get liquor on a plane and proud to be a prostitute?!

  6. rachelle March 22, 2010 at 8:18 pm #

    sarah, i will be happy to come to the hospital and sing epidural to you allllllll day long!

  7. mitsi March 22, 2010 at 8:27 pm #

    Thanks everyone. Carrie, I’m cracking up at you losing your head… ba-da-bing.”

    Katherine, I’m so glad (slash horrified) that you remember “Proud to be a Prostitute.”

    Sarah, crossing my fingers for you!!!! It’s going to be soon!

  8. Marianne March 23, 2010 at 9:06 pm #

    OMG, now I wish I had a baby so I could feel part of the gang! Well, after looking at the play list, I actually feel okay holding off for a little while. Maybe Mitsi could write a song about contraception! 🙂 Congrats, Sarah!!!!

  9. singles matchmaking April 15, 2010 at 2:08 am #

    Good afternoon, This is an excellent article, but I was wondering how do i suscribe to the RSS feed?

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