You Gotta Fight for your Right to Party. . . or Shower

9 Apr

Whine: I am still working on getting the hang of getting anywhere with all three children. It is that much more difficult when one of your children ties herself to her brother’s carseat with a red ribbon (that had up until that point served as a leash for her newfound pet dinosaur.)

Cheese: I am now faux-famous. Back when I had lots and lots of free time (you know, back when I only had two little wild things to keep track of) I submitted some video of myself to be used as a promo for The Ultimate Blog Party over at 5minutesformom.com (see sidebar). And although the footage of me is short, it is humiliating long enough to illustrate why my acting career never took off. I really, really hate myself on video, which is why after ten years I still haven’t worked up the nerve to watch my wedding video. So it makes total sense that I would ask Mr. Dad to film me 9+ months pregnant then send it to a complete stranger to put on her highly-trafficked website. Total sense.

Question of the Day

If you had five minutes to yourself (and by “to yourself” I mean in a room with the door locked while the heathens bang on it and holler) would you:

        a) take a really fast shower?

        b) eat half a bag of potato chips and wash it down with a few gulps of diet coke?

        c) ignore your hunger and lack of hygeine and watch a nostalgic 80s music video on youtube? (Of course it’s the Beastie Boys, what else could it be? )

        d) take a catnap while sitting in the dentist’s chair waiting for your x-rays to come back?

        e) write a quick thank you note for the cute baby clothes you received the other day?

Don’t worry, just choose the one you like best. There isn’t a wrong answer. Well, that’s not true. E is definitely a wrong answer. Very wrong. If that’s how your’e spending your five minutes, I’ve got a few baskets of laundry that need folding.

As a Mommy, most of the time I get is begged, borrowed or stolen. And it usually comes in five minute increments (or less, usually less). Today I put the baby in the bed, locked the bathroom door — ignoring the distressed cries of my newborn, who by the sound of him hadn’t eaten for days — and took a shower. You know, they say babies can smell their mothers from up to 20 feet away. So I got in the shower, hoping that if I scrubbed hard enough he wouldn’t be able to locate me for a few minutes. Like that worked. But at least I was clean.Well, cleanish, it was a five minute shower after all.

But now that I can officially claim three dependents on my tax return, I’m starting to figure out that if I need something just for myself, I’m probably going to have to either get very clever or use force. Like the time that I was pregnant and starving and in need of snack lest there be bloodshed, and as soon as I busted that cheese out of the fridge, the vultures (who had just had a snack) swooped in and started begging. So I locked myself in my bedroom until I ate every last bite. And then there was the time that I wanted to actually finish a phone conversation that I had started, but the “ambient noise” of the yelling and screaming had grown too loud to form a coherent thought. So I locked myself in my bedroom until I finished the conversation. As many times as I’ve employed that trick and had two pairs of little fists objecting, I’m surprised the door is still in tact.

And as often as I’ve had to fight for my right to change out of the dirty clothes I’ve been wearing in public all day or the right to use my computer without having to pull up Elmo videos, I’ve learned that those are not the only battles I need to fight.

I fight for a few minutes here and there with Mr. Dad. To catch up on the lastest in his sports obsession or to watch the redbox movie we’ve had so long we should’ve just bought it in the first place. To make sure we still remember what the other one looks like and that we are still capable of carrying on a thoughtful conversation that is not punctuated by rounds of E-I-E-I-O or requests for more juice. Because if I don’t have my partner at my side, I’m going to be one frantic mommy.

I fight for time to be myself. To read books without pictures and pray longer prayers than “Please, Lord, get me through the next ten minutes without killing anyone.” To think deep thoughts. And to write, usually not quite as deep thoughts, but generally coherent ones I hope. Because if I don’t remember who I am, then I’m kind of missing the point, aren’t I?

And I fight for friendship. I fly to exotic locales to celebrate my friends’ happy moments.  I allow widespread destruction so I can answer the phone. I sit on the computer longer than I should, looking at pictures of babies and weddings and cakes made and blog posts written so I can feel like I’m still a part of the lives of the people I care about, even if I am locked in my house more hours than I’m not. Because when I’m with my friends (in person or in cyberspace) then I know I’m not crazy. Or at least not alone.

As you can see from the video at the top, we Mommies are a harried bunch. And depending on how long it’s been since we last showered, we are often a hairy bunch. Which is why two lovely ladies invented 5minutesformom.com. It’s a place for moms to go for just a few minutes of connection, ideas, and fun. And this week there’s a party over there with lots of us mommies fighting for our rights. So stop by and spend five minutes there. Because when your occupation is Chief Domestic Officer, five minutes is all you’re going to get.

PS

If you’re here from UPB’10, welcome to A Little Whine and Cheese. Please leave a comment so I know you stopped by and I can return the favor.

PPS

I finally drank the kool-aid. After years of resisting the tremendous pressure, I have caved and created a twitter account. So if you’re the follow-y type, you can find me at www.twitter.com/littlewhine. I’ll try to be amusing, I promise.

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17 Responses to “You Gotta Fight for your Right to Party. . . or Shower”

  1. LJ April 9, 2010 at 8:07 am #

    “b”. Diet Coke is involved, oh and the chips! You really need a category involving something sweet that you have hidden from all of humanity living in your house!

  2. Katie April 9, 2010 at 8:22 am #

    Hi! I finally drank to kool aid too and got a twitter. I can’t figure it out, and I can’t decide if I like it or not! This is my first year doing UBP and I’m so glad to have found your blog!

  3. Carol April 9, 2010 at 9:02 am #

    I found your blog via UBP and I will definitely be back! Have a great Friday!

  4. Debbie April 9, 2010 at 9:39 am #

    I love it-I love it, I love it, I love it!!!!!

    Keep em’ coming.

    I love you and miss you like crazy!!!!!

  5. kellie@LaVidaDulce April 9, 2010 at 9:41 am #

    I loved seeing you on the video! I think you looked great!

    The good news? Eventually there comes a time in life when you get to pee without fingers under the door. You get to wear shirts without graham cracker schmear, and the glass of ice tea you poured doesn’t have floaties in it after your toddler takes a sip….

    Instead, you DO get to take showers without interruption (and actually shave your legs) however, it will be a cold one, and you’ll have to try off with a hand towel, cuz the kids (who THANKFULLY have learned to bathe themselves) will have used all the hot water and the last clean towel.

    Happy Friday!

  6. rachelle April 9, 2010 at 10:36 am #

    e was SUPER excited to see your video so i know what we’ll be watching today and tomorrow and ….. thanks for that!

  7. Cascia @ Healthy Moms April 9, 2010 at 12:53 pm #

    Just stopping by from the UBP at Five Minutes for Mom. I love your site and am subscribing to your RSS feed. I would appreciate it if you visited my blog and did the same! I’m looking forward to reading more and getting to know you better.

    Cascia
    The Healthy Moms
    http://www.thehealthymoms.net/2010/04/welcome-to-healthy-moms-blog-party.html

  8. Jackie April 9, 2010 at 4:25 pm #

    Popping in from the UBP…great blog! In answer to your question, it would be a toss up between A & B. If B had cheese & wine instead of chips involved, I’d be all about it. Clearly I was meant to find your blog. Looking forward to reading more!

    Come visit me too!lumpsonablog

  9. Kowanda April 9, 2010 at 7:14 pm #

    Here for UBH 2010. I would take a really fast shower. Nothing like feeling fresh to rejuvinate!

  10. @Dayngr April 9, 2010 at 9:28 pm #

    It’s ALL about the naptime for me.

    Hi! I’m Dayngr and I surfed in from 5 Minutes for Mom. Looking forward to getting to reading more as we go. If you’d like to read it, my Ultimate Blog Party 2010 post can be found at Dayngrous Discourse. I hope you’ll surf on over and say hello.

  11. Crayon Wrangler April 9, 2010 at 10:05 pm #

    *Still looking for whoever stole the bean dip* I adored your spot on the video and…ahem…you were pregnant?!? I wasn’t sure if I could like you after I found that out because you didn’t appear to have the massive water weight, bags under the eyes and overall “gonna kill someone” look in your face.
    Then I read your post and I think I fell in love a little, but not in a creepy stalker way (not much at least)
    Thanks for being such a great contributor to UBP10 and I look forward to reading all of your posts, stalking you on Twitter and wishing I could be just like YOU!

  12. Andrea from Big Blue Momma April 10, 2010 at 9:43 pm #

    Stopping by from the UBP. Love your blog!

    Can’t I sleep in the shower? The water would wash away a little bit of the scum and I could get the catnap I need.

  13. Jackie April 11, 2010 at 2:34 pm #

    p.s. I have an award for you on my blog. Come by and pick it up!

  14. Liz April 11, 2010 at 3:39 pm #

    I would have to go with B! Love me some Diet Coke…Great blog, found you through UBP!

  15. Cheryl April 11, 2010 at 11:05 pm #

    Stopping in from the UBP..

    I could so relate. Today I was trying to use the bathroom and I needed “privacy,” (sorry TMI, but don’t you know? Everybody Poops!) so I shut the door – and then listened to my 13 month-old pound on it and yell til I came out! Oh – and I noticed, when I got home, that I’d been walking around the mall with a piece of smushed cookie attached to the back of my jeans. Good times!

    Love your blog! I’m subscribing!

  16. Barbie & Joelle April 12, 2010 at 7:42 pm #

    If I had 5 minutes I would definitely take a shower… always the shower… maybe a nap, but for that I would need 20 minutes. Just stopping by from the UPB. We love your site and are subscribing to your RSS feed. It is so fun meeting other blogging mommies! Great partying with you & hope you can check out our site. We have a super fun Giveaway.

    Barbie & Joelle
    Sugar & Spice and Frugal Advice
    http://www.sweetfrugaladvice.com/2010/04/5-minutes-for-mom-ultimate-blog-party.html

  17. Melissa April 14, 2010 at 6:59 am #

    I cannot tell you have many stuffed animals have ribbons, I mean leashes, tied to them. Many a time those leaches have doubled as restraints that have knotted my daughter to the chair/ table/ stroller/ bed/ arm rest on the plane.

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