My Danish Wedding: Guest Post by Carrie

16 Apr

Whine: Michelle beat me to the recycled post punch.

Cheese: If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then she should feel extremely flattered. I’m full-on copying you, sister.

Two quick notes before I dust off an old post:

1)I recently received a box of Danish Wedding Cookies for my birthday, so those little white gems have been on my mind lately (and therefore make this post totally relevant).

2)This post was written before I met the Non-Danish Man of my sweet dreams.

Read on…

For as long as I can recall, I have had an inexplicable affinity for Danish Wedding Cookies (DWC). I have a vivid childhood memory of pilfering one of those gloriously pink boxes from the pantry and sneaking it into my parent’s bedroom, where I then hid behind the door and greedily demolished the entire box.

At some point in my early adulthood, I realized that I seriously needed intervention from DWC if I was to avoid an upgrade to the Women’s Clothing Department (WCD). I began to limit my purchases to only the most special of occasions, or ordinary occasions that otherwise warranted special treatment (i.e. PMS). This has seemed to work quite well for me over the past decade. Thus far I have been able to exercise a fair degree of purchasing restraint with the understanding, of course, that any box procured will be promptly devoured.

A few years back I decided that, when my time came to marry, I would celebrate in the style of a Danish wedding. Now, mind you, I have no idea what a traditional Danish wedding entails, nor do I truly care. But come that day, rest assured those confectionary wonders will be lavish in attendance.

Last week I was doing some routine grocery shopping and made a cursory run down the cereal/cookie/cracker aisle. As the Keebler Elves called out to me from the top shelf (in manner of Sirens), it occurred to me that I had not enjoyed a DWC in months. Not ever having been the sort to deny myself for any length of time, I decided to pick up a box. In the checkout line I noticed a thin film of dust coating the package. Not thinking much of it, I went forward with my purchase and anticipated tearing into the cookies later that evening.

Amazingly, I showed more restraint than thought possible and waited a full day to open the box. To my incredible dismay, it was the stalest lot of cookies I had ever encountered. The expiration date was 2 months past due. Now, I don’t know what the typical shelf life is on a box of preservatives, but I have a feeling that for something to actually be past its expiration date, its production was probably somewhere in the Medieval era. This didn’t discourage me in the least.

After eating a handful of cookies of questionable quality, I came to my senses and threw them away. I was walking to the dumpster with the trash bag when, in a moment of George Castanza weakness, I re-opened the bag and ate a few farewell cookies. I am a sick person.

I realize that most men, Danish or otherwise, are not attracted to women who eat cookies out of garbage cans (even remarkably clean garbage cans). Therefore, my Danish wedding may be a good ways off. Interestingly, I recently discovered that Mexican wedding cookies bear a remarkable resemblance (in both shape and taste) to their Danish counterparts. This opens up a whole new world of wedding possibilities.

Carrie (aka cdub), when she is not dumpster diving for her dessert, serves up hot coffee and lattes in her role as barista extrodinare. Beware if you find yourself in her drive-thru (DT) — you may end up as fodder for her blog: Carrie also keeps the laughs coming with her self-designed line of snarky greeting cards (yes, those are REAL family pictures).


4 Responses to “My Danish Wedding: Guest Post by Carrie”

  1. Corinne April 16, 2010 at 3:15 pm #

    I have never had a DWC, but my mother has always made Mexican wedding cakes and I ADORE them. I might have to make some this weekend in honor of your post 🙂
    (and man do I know the Siren ish nature of the cookie isle… sigh….)

  2. rachelle April 17, 2010 at 10:47 am #

    one of your fellow baristas made an awesome cherry chocolate frappachino for me- yum!

  3. michelle April 18, 2010 at 1:08 pm #

    just texted husband to pick up a pink bag of that powedery sugar goodness while he is at the store……
    thanks for the completely unnecessary craving which just might land me in WCD.

  4. kellie@LaVidaDulce April 19, 2010 at 6:25 pm #

    Ah! Cbud and her DWC’s, brings back some memories. Good times. It so nice to now that there really are a few things in life that haven’t changed.

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