Through the Looking Glass

6 May

Whine: I am living in the Poop Years. Every day I clean up poop. Off bottoms, out of clothes, off the floor of the public restroom stall. Some sweet day I will look around and realize that I have not cleaned up anybody’s business all day long, and that will be a very good day. But for now I arm myself with Resolve carpet cleaner and lots and lots of SoftSoap.

Cheese: Angsty teens doing melodramatic ballet to my favorite 80s uber-cheesy love ballad? Yes, please.

Yesterday it happened. I have always wondered when the day would come when one of my kids would figure out that they could turn the deadbolt and lock me out of my own house.

Well, yesterday was that day.

I unloaded Lil’ Sis from the car, unlocked the front door, tossed my keys down, and turned to retrieve Brother Bear from the car.  Then I turned to discover Lil’ Sis smiling at me from the other side of my front door glass. I tried the handle. Nothing. I banged on the door and shouted encouragingly for Lil’ Sis to turn the lock and she made a few feeble attempts. Nothing.

Then my little imp, who looked concerned about the situation for all of one nanosecond, turned tail and wandered off to explore the empty house Home Alone-style. I watched helplessly from the driveway as she toddled over to the table, still replete with unwashed breakfast dishes. My cries of horror went unheeded as she reached up to take a big drink of the milk that had been sitting out since breakfast.

I frantically called Mr. Dad who suggested I try the windows and see if any were unlocked. I was glad when there weren’t any, as we all know how it goes when I try the window approach to home entry. By that time Lil’ Sis had wandered back to smile and wave at me through the double-paned glass of the front door. Then she ran off to the far reaches of the house, probably to scald herself with hot water or pull bookshelves on top of herself.

No, of course I didn’t panic or freak out or think about calling 9-1-1.  Ok, maybe I did. But then I moved on to more productive behavior. I managed my internal near-hysteria by doing the following:

1) Thanking GOD that Brother Bear was not locked inside with his doting older sister, who would surely have suffocated him with kisses and hugs and pillows or bitten his toes off (she actually tried that the other day).

2) Running through all of the possible window-breaking scenarios to see which one would be least likely to cost me lots of pain and/or money.

3) Thinking what a HILARIOUS blog post this would make once I got Lil’ Sis out of there without drinking all my household cleaners or cutting her own hair.

4) Praying.

And miraculously, after I rang the doorbell about seven hundred times, Lil’ Sis walked back over and turned that lock.

I pushed open the door and scooped up that little sweetie, repeating over and over what a good job she did and how much I loved her as I squeezed her as hard as I could. Then I gave her guardian angel the rest of the day off. Heaven knows he needed it.

Home Alone 4: Revenge of Lil' Sis

9 Responses to “Through the Looking Glass”

  1. Wendy May 7, 2010 at 7:17 am #

    Glad everything worked out okay. Miles locked Michael out of the house back in January (In Iowa. Michael was feeding the cat and didn’t have a coat on. Brr). Michael finally had to climb through a window because Miles was starting to panic and couldn’t do the lock.

    Kids are tricky little people.

  2. Karen May 7, 2010 at 8:35 am #

    Thank you, Sarah. Now I’m going to have Total Eclipse of the Heart stuck in my head for the rest of the day.

    Glad Chloe’s okay. And you too. And that it’s not August in Texas when you were stuck outside. And she’s a genius…not every two year old can unlock a deadbolt!

  3. Cheryl May 7, 2010 at 10:51 am #

    Smart young lady you have. Thankfully everything turned out okay. (Maybe she’s practicing for the day she can lock her siblings out. lol)

  4. rachelle May 7, 2010 at 12:52 pm #

    aren’t those glee people supposed to be in high school? they are at least 35!

  5. Jackie May 7, 2010 at 10:12 pm #

    That’s a nightmare I have regularly. Thank god we have a super old house that toddler can’t figure out locks. But, that doesn’t keep me from worrying about locking the girls in the car or something nuts like that.

    So glad it worked out for the best. And you got a great blog post out of it.

    And that you’ve put 80s music in my head for the weekend. Thanks. 🙂

  6. kellie@LaVidaDulce May 8, 2010 at 6:00 am #

    Thank the good Lord He made her so cute! I am positive that is the only reason toddlers live to see childhood!

  7. wee May 12, 2010 at 11:31 am #

    yep, I’ve heard that a few times this week – cuteness is the only reason certain children aren’t in A LOT more trouble.
    speaking of which, or not, I can’t believe how big Brother Bear is growing already! Thanks for the Awesome Rocking photo collage complete with smiles!! love, wee

  8. Kel May 29, 2010 at 9:06 pm #

    Wait, wait, I’ve introduced you to this,


  1. Man of the House: Guest Post by Brother Bear « A Little Whine and Cheese - October 25, 2010

    […] that time Big Sis was potty training? Or the time Lil’ Sis locked us out? Or the time that Mommy got a root canal the week before I was born? Also, here is last […]

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