Long Lost Friend

5 Apr

Whine: I got up extra-early today after a not so great night (courtesy of Brother Bear) to make some banana bread to take to Bible Study this morning. Then, just after cracking the eggs that I’d been sure to double-check I had enough of, I realized I had no flour. Zero. Unless you count whole wheat flour. Which I don’t.

Cheese: I got to exact my revenge on the still-sleeping Mr. Dad (the jerk!) and send him off to the grocery. The banana bread somehow got made and sliced in time to be just warm and tasty for my friends. (And I even saved a few pieces for Mr. Dad.)

When I started A Little Whine and Cheese I made a promise to myself. I told myself that I would never be the blogger that was constantly apologizing for gaps in posting. I knew even then in the ‘honeymoon phase’ of the blog that there would be times when life would just be too. . .lifey, and that blogging would have to go to the bottom of the list. I also knew that contant apologizing (which IS a specialty of mine) would just detract from my message of (I don’t actually know what my message is, but I knew it would detract.)

And so I’m not going to apologize.

But I will say it’s been lonely. I’ve missed you guys.

But I’ll tell you the real reason that I decided today was the day to ignore the crunched up cheerios and sticky banana bread pans and write. It’s because of Louanne. Louanne was the RA in my dorm who had the privilege of  helping me ‘transition’ to life 1,000 miles away from my Mom. (Meaning, lots of hugging and crying.) I haven’t seen Louanne in thirteen years and seven kids (three for me, four for her), but she popped up on my Wall today and told me she needed a little Whine and Cheese.  And it was such a good feeling to be wanted. And so I set aside the tasks that have been driving me (crazy) and started writing. The thing that makes me sad, though, is that it shouldn’t take someone else wanting me to write for me to write.

Because the truth is, as much as I miss writing for y’all, I really miss myself.

I’ve been working and pushing and running so hard lately that life just really isn’t that fun anymore. Now instead of saying  “That sounds fun!” or “When can we start?” when I get an ivitation or opportunity I say “How much is it going to cost?” or “How long is it going to take?” in as put-off and melancholic a manner as possible.

And I’m not depressed. I’ve been there before and this isn’t it. Yet.

But the longer I pretend that I only exist to work, to manage, to wrangle then to fall into bed, the closer I’m going to get to that point.

And of course I’m being all melodramatic about it and acting like I never get a break and poor me and SOMEBODY CALL THE WAAAAMBULANCE.

It’s just that I figure it’s easier to give myself permission to be myself and write and think and BE if I’m having some sort of meltdown than to just say that it’s really ok to stop the spinning plates and foster my insides a little bit. ‘Cause what’s coming up out from inside of me right now is no bueno. I’m brittle and dry and about to crack at any moment, which makes for some pretty terrific mothering, if I do say so myself. (PUTONTHESHOES, PUTONTHESHOES, PUTONTHESHOES NOW!!!!!) Not to mention poor Mr. Dad who, God bless him, thankfully is pretty good at dodging the Emoto-Rockets that I keep launching his way.

Me: You don’t think I’m funny.

Mr. Dad: You’re funny on your blog.

Me: What?? I’m hilarious in person. You must not love me.

Mr. Dad: Good night.

(You know, now that I think about it, maybe he deserved that 7AM grocery run.)

You know, all that to say, I am so thankful for Louanne and for all my readers/friends because you give me a good excuse to reacquaint myself . . . with myself.

Me: Why, hello, self.

Me: Hello. Might I say that I found you to be especially humorous today.

Me: Why thank you, self. But did you mean in writing or in person?

Me: Well both, of course.

Me: Ah, it’s good to be back.

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11 Responses to “Long Lost Friend”

  1. Louanne April 5, 2011 at 3:00 pm #

    I feel so honored! Thanks for the fix… satisfying as always!

  2. Gail April 5, 2011 at 3:24 pm #

    Great Sarah! Love you and thanks for stopping the craziness to post!

  3. kellie@LaVidaDulce April 5, 2011 at 4:41 pm #

    I had missed you too.

    Love me some Whine and Cheese…and wine and cheese (I’m just sayin’)

    I hear your heart, and I want you to know that where you are in life right now is just really, wonderfully, exhaustingly, sweetly, hard. Little kids take a lot of work! And then there’s that husband, and house, and ministry… I want you to know that eventually you’ll wake up and remember that old-self but she’ll be better for all the hard work!

  4. Aunt Linnara April 5, 2011 at 5:03 pm #

    (My opinion on this may not be popular, but consider it anyway.) Some of those spinning plates can go back to the cupboard for awhile. This is the only time in your life that your children will be with YOU most of their awake hours. So when it come to priorities, ideally it’s God #1 (not church,) Husband #2 (God & husband should fill your love & sanity tanks,) Children #3. Lots of other things are wonderful, but they can wait. Except blogging, which pertains to numbers 1,2, and 3. It’s a form of journaling that helps with all of the above, and doesn’t require you to add to the “tyranny of the urgent.”
    XXOO

  5. carrie April 5, 2011 at 5:54 pm #

    Whine: I missed your banana bread, bible study, and you.

    Cheese: You posted a new blog today.

    I love you, your clear and/or unclear messages, and your detractors (I find them interesting all on their own). I also love that you introduce me to new words, like Emoto-Rockets. I’m going to practice firing them off at my dog right now so my husband can have a break when he gets home.

  6. rayshelle April 5, 2011 at 5:55 pm #

    well, in my humble opinion, you are hilarious in person and on your blog – and via email, texting, knowing looks across the room, etc. one thing that came to my attention as i read this – well one thing i will mention here. your hubby reads your blog! bonus points for that one.

  7. Kelsey April 5, 2011 at 7:39 pm #

    LOVE the “The Kid” waaaambulance reference. And I also think you’re hilarious.

  8. wee April 5, 2011 at 10:41 pm #

    1. Yes, you do rock, & I looove you!
    2. Believe it or not (yet), that’s hilarious about not having flour.
    3. I, your big sis, second the motion to put some plates back in the cupboard freely /sans/ meltdown. And, perchance, as I’m learning, if applicable, you might begin to let yourself not feel guilty for who you aren’t – I’m noticing we mothers all have lots of similarities AND lots of things we just do differently – and our different families go with it (amazingly well!).
    4. No, there is no way I can find to make my comments short!

  9. rachelle April 6, 2011 at 7:16 am #

    you can always come to the flour store down the st. glad to know i am not the only one not balancing so well. at least you can write. all i can do is get panicky and vomit- not nearly as funny. glad you took time to write.

  10. Karen April 6, 2011 at 2:57 pm #

    Welcome back! I was so excited to see a post from you in my inbox. And umm…thanks for helping me feel normal (whatever that is), as always.

  11. TJ Wilson April 7, 2011 at 10:43 pm #

    oh my gosh, you are funny. and – I totally get this post. keep writing.

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