Tag Archives: words

A Double Shot of UnWord Fun

5 Feb

Whine: I’m totally smungover from being up past 1 am the last few nights. And when I tried to nap today, I found myself battling wicked sminsomnia, as my brain twittered around planning this post. [To translate this statement, see below.]

Cheese: After owning my current cell phone  (which I bought for its mp3 capability) for almost two years, I have finally downloaded some music onto it.

 

smangover [smang-oh-ver] -noun

smungover [smung-oh-ver] –adjective

The lingering effects of physical exhaustion, including crabbiness, headache and bloodshot eyes, resulting from overuse of social media such as text messaging, facebook, or blogging. Usually effects those over twenty-five years of age, as those younger usually have more stamina and fewer jobs.

“I’ve got a killer smangover,” she groaned, “I was up all night cyber-stalking my fifth grade teacher.”

 

And just because I love you guys (and who knows when I’ll post again), here’s a bonus UnWord for today.

sminsomnia [in-som-nee-uh] -noun

sminsomniac [in-som-nee-ack] -noun

An inability to fall asleep or stay asleep as a result of obsessive thoughts about and overuse of social media.  Often causes a nasty smangover.

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Nine Words Defined

30 Jan

Whine: Two Words: Cardio Mix. I went to the gym today and did a class. My thighs and glutes realized halfway through class that taking two months off from the gym puts me back in the “beginner” category.

Cheese: Two Words: Surprise Donuts. Good thing I managed to do some of those “advanced” moves and burned some extra calories (right before I passed out) because when we arrived home from the gym, there was a bag of donuts in our mailbox from Uncle A. When Big Sis saw the donut bag in the mailbox she said, “That’s so in-ster-est-ing.” My tummy thought so, too.

 

 

I just made a disturbing realization about myself. I am becoming aware that I sort of run from making decisions.  (See? Even that sentence is indecisive.) And not just hard ones like which parenting philosophy to choose, but stupid, easy ones like creamy or crunchy. Maybe I already knew that about myself. I’m pretty sure Mr. Dad has been trying to point that out for, like, ever. But I didn’t realize just how gutless I’d let myself become.

The last few months have been tough. Fun and exciting, to be sure. But also frustrating and exhausting. Starting with Thanksgiving until now, we’ve been in and out of town, hosted lots of people and just generally burned the candle at both ends (whatever that means, my candles only have one end.) Now that I’m through to this side of it, I look back and wonder what I could have done differently so that I came out a little more me at the end of it all. To be honest, my initial thought was that I should have cut something out. So where do I start? Maybe I should have cut Christmas? Or my sister-in-law’s wedding? Or the memorial service for Great-Grandma? Or parenting my children in general?

But I realized that my calendar, which is filled with connections to the people in my life,  is not the problem. Which is good, because as I figure it, my family and circle of friends are not going to get any smaller. No, the problem is me. I have a hard time making decisions. Or taking care of myself.  Or saying what I need. Or knowing what I need for that matter.

But I suspect that through these last few months, I was stuffing down my inner Mom. You know, the part of you that isn’t afraid to admit that she gets especially cranky when she’s hungry and tired. The part of you that knows how to best take care of you so that you can take care of everybody else.

When my inner Mom told me to speak up and ask for help I said, “No, I got it.” When she told me to go to bed so that I could face the next day, I said, “Oh, it’ll be fine to stay up just a few more hours.”  When she told me to shorten my to-do list so that I could make it to they gym for my own health (physical and mental) I told her, “Oh, be quiet.” (She was just getting irritating at that point. And I really didn’t feel like exercising.)

The point for me is, I don’t necessarily need to give my life a makeover. Just like with money or dieting or anything else, I lost myself when I wouldn’t do the little things. Like sleeping or eating or taking a shower or blogging. (Ok, some of those aren’t so little.) I just need to listen to my inner Mom. And be willing to take a little time for myself here and there. Be willing to let someone, somewhere be disappointed in me because I can’t do everything all at once. Be willing to take a risk and actually make a decision for myself .

And so, in light of today’s post about embracing your inner Mom to know and say what you need, here’s a hilarious email forward I received (Thanks, Kellie!) about the ways in which women “communicate”. Note: I DID NOT WRITE THIS. I wish I knew who did so I could give her (or a very insightful him) a huge high five. This could save marriages everywhere. . . .

 

Nine Words Women Use

#1 Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

#2 Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

#3 Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

#4 Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

#5 Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

#6 That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

#7 Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ That will bring on a ‘whatever’).

#8 Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying “I’m done with you!”  (Temporarily, at least.)

#9 Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.

 

So this week I’ve challenged myself to figure out what I need and be grown up enough to say it.  I need a donut.

UnWord Fun

20 Nov

Whine: I need an escape hatch. From my children.

Cheese: At least they give me good material to work with. They’re gonna hate me for this someday, aren’t they?

 

They say necessity is the mother of invention. In my case, it’s boredom. Which, I suppose if fueled by the necessity to amuse myself. Which, in turn, turns into blog posts about made up words.

Hence the debut of a new semi-regular post here at Whine and Cheese: UnWord Fun. This is where I occupy myself by making up words and trying to pass them off as real.

 

Our first ever unword:

 

food gloves [fud ghluvz]  -noun

A covering for the hand made entirely of food, thus enabling the wearer to eat directly off of the hands without the intrusion of utensils. Also handy if the wearer wishes to save food for a later time.

Related Words: food hat, food mask, food turtleneck/scarf, food shirt, food pants, food diaper*, food socks

 

Illustration:

Food Gloves  

*Food diapers are used primarily as store-it-and-eat-it-later devices, rather than as utensils for immediate eating.

 

P.S. If you share my need to verbosify, you may enjoy this site. (Go to V and look up vegeludes.) In fact, I am planning on submitting future unwords for publication there.